i go into the black hole with a the portal gun and 1 portal already set up on earth find the cake and portal out

put the cake in a safe it with several blocks of C4, put the safe in a vault with 1000s of those poison headcrabs and some manhacks ,put the vault in a rocket send the rocket to a different dimention and then shrink the rocket to the size of a pin-head and create millions of identical setups and send them all over every dimention so you'll never find the right one

oh and if u do find it and get past all the traps then congradulation u wasted ur life finding a cake (slow sarcastic clap)

If you look and highlight my post here, you'll see I still have the cake, and have done for a while. You're all very easy to manipulate.
^{Meh, revealing the existence of my master plan was easier then understanding everything written above.}

I place the cake inside a coconut, and hang it in a palm tree.

i get a saw and saw the tree down and open the coconut

i put the cake in a land fill site

I get an excavator and dig up the cake.

After dusting off the cake.

I eat it.

You eat the cake? How original. I've seen that at least a dozen times already on this thread.
I travel past the speed of light, and therefore start to go backwards in time. I stop at the point when you're about to eat the cake, and I kill you. I take the cake and I return to my own time.

However, when I return, I notice something is askew. Through some butterfly affect that occurred when I traveled back in time, I created a time paradox and the cake is now a ham sandwich.

I headbutt you in the face, take the ham sandwich and bring it with me back to the dawn of time, where I ask God to turn the sandwich into cake. Then I hand the cake to God for safekeeping.

I pray for a cake after years of loyal Christianity

I booby trap the cake

I take the cake and it explodes. I quickly remake it.

I place the cake in a box, then place another box next to it. I place a sign there saying Take one.

I use my x-ray vision to locate which box has the cake and take it.

I place the cake in the middle of God's beard

lucky for me. this is the month that he shaves is so he found it and gave it to me

i give the cake to the poster after next

I wait patiently for the next poster to post...

I graciously accept the cake, and place it back in the oven.

I steal the oven, and take the cake from it once I am safe in my hideaway.

I attach the cake to a kite and cut it free in a strong gale.

I shoot the cake down with a high-power sniper rifle.

I shoot it again and it falls into a pile of dirty needles.

I burst out of my needle-den to discover a bullet-ridden cake! Oh, lucky day!

I give the cake to the ghost of Heath Ledger. Anyone who can best him in a fencing match may take the cake as a trophy.

I challenge Heath to a fencing match, While he is busy laughing his ass off in a Joker-like manor, I shoot him in the face with my high-powered rifle.

I grab the cake, then I tap my shoes together and I phase out of existence. "Later jokes, The cake is mine." I hide in a non-existent tree in my plain of non-existence.

Erm... that's here. Our universe isn't real. I'll be climbing the tree and taking that, thanks.
You object? BANG. Now you're dead, and cant object.

I place the cake on a fishing rod hung over your head, leaving you to chase it for all eternity.

since the cake dose not existence any more i bake a new one

i put the cake in a tank of hot water

I pull it out of the tank. Since I feel no pain, it is simple. Sadly the cake is a bit soggy, so I hide it in the sun.

You idiot, you incinerated the cake. I cool down the sun, and use it to make a new cake, coincidentally causing an ice age.

I hide the cake under a pile of snow.

I kick the snow while wearing my nice new wellies. Eew, the cake's all cold and wet...

I submerge this cake in a river of rum.

I set an army of drunks to drink the river, and take the cake.

I place the cake in an ancient tomb.

I stroll in heartily, whistling a cheerful and slightly irritating tune. Seeing the cake upon a pedestal, I climb up to it and retrieve it. Upon reaching the ground again, I say, "THAT WAS EASY LOLOLOL" and accidentally awaken the tombs ancient inhabitants; I manage to get out without being killed, but the cake isn't so lucky...fuckin' mummies

I bake a new cake and deconstruct it, placing it in a flat pack in ikea... Have fun setting it up -evil laugh and storm in the background-

I Hire some louts to make it for me, and pay them in candy. It's replaced the pound sterling don't you know(Candy, not the cake).

I steamroller it and hide it in a snuff fiction book.

I discover it in my quest for toilet paper.

I paint the cake with blood, then hand it to a vampire.

I threaten him with a mega steak machine gun, forcing him to give it to me or I fire.

I hide the cake under a pile of garlic.

i get hungry so i eat the pile of garlic then find the cake .

i put the cake in a nuclear reactor

I get chuck norris to get it, and he does... without a scratch 'cuase he's awesome!

I let Chuck Norris have the cake... I ain't messing with that guy...

I take the cake from Chuck Norris as he's 69 years old and too feeble to do anything about it.

I eat the cake.

I punch you in the gut, making you regurgitate the cake.

I cover myself in mud and lie in a ditch, with only a combat knife to protect me

Uh... you didn't actually do anything with the cake, so I pick it up from wherever you left it.

I freeze the cake within a Bose-Einstein condensate.

Links broken so I'm going to assume it's some form of ice-cube. I take the (now mildly chilly) cake and fill it with c4 and a 3 second fuse, then throw it at azraellod.

^{Sigh, stupid thing. Fixed, but the original link which was the best doesn't work for some reason.}

I catch it.

I place the cake in a bank vault.

I blow open the bank vault with TNT take the money and leave the cake in the vault next to yours

...Where I am hiding.

I take the cake and protect it with an argonian who is wielding an almighty spork.